They change everything

Every child is a true blessing to this earth. They are born with the potential to move mountains and enter our lives and change it forever. Our entire life has now changed to evolve around this tiny human. When he wants to eat, when he needs to be changed, when he is tired, it doesn’t end. It the most euphoric and terrifying thing. I sit here 20 months after giving birth, and I ponder how my life has changed.

Something as simple as watching a movie has drastically changed. I can no longer watch a movie in which a child is in any sort of distress because I cannot control my empathy. The thought that there is a child like mine out there in a movie who is anything less than happy, hurts my heart and it hinders me from watching the movie. Id now prefer to sing along to M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E, every damn morning. As I sit with my son and watch the classic Disney movies with the perspective of an adult I see so much more! I see “Easter eggs” and I pick up on puns I would have never even thought twice about as a child. It really is fun for the whole family.

I have always been the adventurous type, the get up and go type. I was always ready for a impromptu trip anywhere. I have made plans 10 minutes before making the train at times, and honestly those trips were always the best. Now I need to check with 3 different sources before I make anything official and there is still a chance I will have to cancel. Do we have an appointment? Do we have a play date? What’s daddy’s work day look like and is he coming? Which stroller will I need? How many diapers should I pack? Will there be food he will eat there? Should we leave before his nap or after? My favorite is when you are all ready to walk out the door, and that pizza he had for lunch comes shooting straight out of your child’s mouth like the exorcist. But we somehow manage and pull through… most of the time. And forget about going out without the child, especially if you don’t have family close by or a trustworthy go-to babysitter. If you can’t get a babysitter you will have to decide whether you or your partner gets to go, alone. If your able to track down a babysitter you will now have to add about $50-$100 to your tab, depending on how long you stay out.

Before having my son, I was so bad at going to the doctor regularly. I was careless and never cared what I ate. I was reckless at times and the thought of possibly damaging my body wasn’t a thought in my mind. Before having a child, self-care meant a trip to the spa, or a night out with the girls, or a back massage. Those are all still self-care goals I wish to live out one of these days, but now I’m more focused on my well-being. I’m scared due to my family history I may develop cancer and not be here to watch my son grow. I’m scared ill miss his wedding and never meet my grandchildren. I’m scared I wont be able to be the mom I thought I’d be. Now my self-care is regularly going to the doctor and making sure I’m healthy and to make sure I’m here to stay awhile.

Holidays are truly for the kids. Parents will go to no end to maintain the magic of all holidays. The stories we tell, the cookies we bake, and the mysterious magic we awake to as kids. It never gets old, we just change from experiencing the magic to creating it, and living through our kids happiness.

My grocery list has completely changed since having my son. I’m more concerned about where my food comes from, and I’m interested in which farm grew or raised it. I research ingredients I don’t know and am untrustworthy of many products. I’m proud cooking food I’m confident in for my family. Listen, I know I cant control what they put in their bodies forever, but I can sleep better at night knowing I did my best. Right now my son’s diet is basically bananas and Belvita bites and that’s all he will intake besides milk. However this doesn’t hinder me from attempting to feed him different things each day. This wont be his diet forever and hell eventually gain a liking for more things, so I’m not too worried about it.

Additional expenses like daily lattes, eating out, and vacations get replaced with diapers, wipes, and MILK. Lots and lots of milk. Since becoming a teen I realized whole milk made me so bloated and I’ve always been weary of it. Now I’m buying two at a time when I shop. Kids also never stop growing. I now buy shoes two sizes at a time because that’s how fast his feet grow. For a lot of parents it sad to see them grow so fast, but it’s my favorite part. To see them make those small achievements never cease to amaze me.

Going out to eat as a family becomes a whole new experience and let me tell you its not fun for moms, especially me. Id give anything to order a steak again, and be able to eat it without it getting cold. You’ll need to make sure they have highchairs and a kids menu you kid will actually eat from. They will need some type of entertainment, so that it gives you better chances of enjoying your food. At this point I don’t see the point of dinning out with my son at his age, but maybe when he’s older.

Remember all those nice things you put on your wedding registry, and all that nice glass furniture you and your husband picked out when you first moved in together? Yeh, that wont last forever and you’ll need to find a way to either contain your little one with baby gates, or swap those things out for safer furniture. I’m not willing to admit how many times I caught my son on the kitchen table, but it was defiantly more than once. One time I was just in the next room over, cooking dinner and he got up on the table and took a bite out of each tortilla not once, but twice without me noticing. Talk about motor skills, this kids not only managed to climb on the table but untied the bag of tortillas. You’ll also make room for an endless amount of toys in your living room. It will take up way more space than you anticipated. It starts with one corner than slowly but surely grows and grows. Right now we have a corner of toys and puzzles and another section between two reclining chairs lined with three different types of ride on toys.

Have you really ever been scared if you haven’t seen your child get seriously injured or hurt? Being that they are literally a part of you, it should be no surprise the amount of empathy you have when they get hurt. You mind goes blank and panic sets in. Recently my son ran into a corner of the wall and busted his forehead open. I didn’t notice it at first because our routine is to hug for a minute then sit on the counter for mommy to inspect the damage. When we got to the counter it didn’t take long to see the giant indent in his head. The blood hadn’t come yet and it was still white which for some reason made me even more worried. I slipped on whatever shoes were near me and grabbed my purse and ran to the car, screaming to my husband to get in the car and drive. I’m very happy I chose to wear a bra that day. Turns out it wasn’t as deep as we had thought and he only needed some medical grade glue. It’s only been a few days and it already looks much better. You go through these stages of panic then evaluating the damage. Then when you finally get to the doctor your worries change from will he be okay to are they going to call CPS? Are we horrible parents to let this happen? What will these nurses and doctor think of us? What I went through is nothing compared to the countless families I’ve seen while working at an orthopedic. Kids coming in still in uniforms with broken arms and legs. Sometimes we can reduce it right there in the office, which is something I wouldn’t wish upon my worse enemy. We knew the kids would always get through it as hard as it was, but it was the parents we had to make sure stayed conscious. My husband and I have already agreed that if this were ever the case, he would be the one to do it because I’m just not that strong.

One thing that I feel has either gotten worse or gained more publicity, is children being abducted in public. Stories constantly floating around social media about moms reliving their worst nightmares in hopes to warn others. Every time I take my son in public I am never not touching him or watching him. He is always secured in his seat with multiple steps in getting him free. Never ever judge a kid on a leash because you really have no idea. You just don’t know till you do. Never underestimate the ability of a mother, because she will find a way to get it done.

As much as my life has changed, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love every second of motherhood, and try to savor every second of it. Children bring such joy to our lives and we will do just about anything for them. Motherhood is filled with sacrifices that we don’t ever think twice about. You may choose to see it as losing our freedom, but its more like gaining different experiences and having a different perspective on life.