IM HAPPY FOR HER

Everyone, literally everyone struggles. I keep seeing this trend amongst people online who seem to think ones troubles are up for comparison. Everyone deserve to use their platform to share their story and everyone deserves to be heard. When people allow themselves to cope by sharing with others and your the ass-hat that comments way behind your keyboard and tells that person their feelings are invalid and they should feel "lucky" it wasn't worse, you really need to reevaluate how you spend your free time. I feel blessed to have fallen in love with writing and happy to be able to use it to cope and express myself. I don't expect everyone to love my content but I don't write for them, I write for me.

I feel blessed to have come to the realization of being "happy for her". The universe works in mysterious ways and it may not always seem fair. Childhood cancer, miscarriages, loosing loved ones, any sort of unfortunate events leading to anything less than positive for you, are all tragedies. It could cause someone to loose their faith and start a whole new chain of suffering for someone. For me, as bad as something may seem I truly believe there is a reason and a plan much bigger than my comprehension at that time. When someone has something in their life that I happen to long for, I choose to be happy for her. Its possible people trust me it is, and you'll live a much more free life. It is possible to live through another's happiness.

"Give her space, give her your presence, but don't give her shit for the way she feels. "

Just because I have something in my life others may yearn for, doesn't mean I cant yearn for something more. Ill throw a common example at you that I see a lot in my mom community. Just because someone was lucky enough to conceive one child, doesn't mean she can grieve for not being able to have another one. She may consider those of us who have trouble conceiving even once child, but that doesn't necessarily lessen her pain of second time infertility. She is allowed to grieve and she is entitled to her feelings. Give her space, give her your presence, but don't give her shit for the way she feels.

One thing I have learned in my young adult years is that my feelings are valid, and I am deserving of getting help. When I was younger a relationship took over my life even after it ended. Because of my unique make up and situations in my life at that point, it changed my perspective on everything in my life and hindered future relationships from blossoming. This relationship at the time didn't seem to measure up to other bad relationships I've heard about and I deemed it unworthy of mentioning or getting help with. I felt stupid for feeling the way I did and I didn't allow myself to accept help because I didn't think I had suffered enough. Regardless the feelings lingered and I struggled with it for years. This mindset is extremely unproductive and makes things worse for everyone involved. I feel fortunate for the obstacles I've overcome and the new perspective I have now, thanks to many people who love me. I believe I live life with a mostly healthy mindset, because seriously no one is perfect. My point is that I want to address this mindset people might have just like I did, and make sure people aren't influencing this type of mindset on to others.

"Don't make them feel bad for the way they feel, they are suffering enough."

Most of the time we can not control our feelings. They consume us, they take part in our decision making and they are the reasons for so many confrontations. Don't let your feelings on a certain matter make someone feel worse about their situation. You could think you have got it all figured out and think your going to take away someone's pain with your belittling comments, but shocker it wont work. I promise you, you will either make that person feel even worse or you will be judged for you inability to sympathize with a friend in their time of need. You might even go through a similar situation and think you know exactly what their going through and you'd be wrong. Everyone processes and deals with things differently and at their own pace. Don't make them feel bad for the way they feel, they are suffering enough. Think about what helps you get through difficult times and how you would react to some of the things you say to people. No one wants to suffer and no one wishes bad things to come to them. Between thick thick walls people put up and having only bad examples of how to cope with something, some struggle to over come things. Unless you have a license and a degree to practice mental health, maybe just send flowers and leave your comments to yourself.

"...maybe your not in the right mindset to be giving "reassuring" comments at this time."

Listen we are all human and we all make mistakes. We all find our foot in our mouth at least one point in our lives. What you need to do is realize when it happens and apologize. Acknowledge how you've made someone feel and understand they are entitled to their feelings. Give what you say a second thought and reflect on it. Its okay to make mistakes but its your responsibility to make it right because you might just regret it later. If your response to someone is anything less of positive, it may mean you too are suffering through something, and maybe your not in the right mindset to be giving "reassuring" comments at this time.